Lets See What's Behind Door #2

On March 24th I had the bankart procedure done to my right shoulder. Let's just say that this has been a pain in my ass. For the past eight and a half weeks it's been like I have been stuck in a worm hole living each day over and over again. Besides the pain that I have been enduring, I have been battling depression. I don't know if who ever is reading this has ever had to deal with depression but it is unbearable at times.

I have my good days and I have my bad one's. The bad day's, I don't feel like getting out of bed and let's just say I don't feel self worth. I wouldn't have the thought's of offing myself but I felt a time's that my wife and kids were better off with out me. For the past 5 weeks I have been getting help with my battle. Since then, I see myself and my life in a whole new way. I recently started my physical therapy for my shoulder and I'm progressing very well with that.

In about two weeks I am able to return to work and start contributing in the financial side of things. I am very proud to say I'm getting help with my personal demons. The first part of dealing with this is acceptance and I accept what my problems are. To anyone who reads this and judges me, just think, at least I'm not afraid to get help.

Ryan, You Know What's Good for Shoulder Pain?

I just started my physical therapy yesterday and god does my shoulder kill me. I know what therapy is like cause when I blew my knee out in high school but damn. I guess when you get older the recovery time is a little longer. The only way I can describe it is, if you have seen the second Ace Ventura when he gets hit with the darts and his arms go limp and he swings them, thats what my arm feels like. I felt like the biggest baby when my trainer was stretching and pulling my arm in ways it hasn't been done in a while and I just wanted to scream. The nice thing is I will make a quicker recovery because of this. Instead of it being a two month rehab it will only take a month of getting my ass kicked.

I Just Don't Know If I Can.

The past few days my wife and I were talking about maybe having a third kid. I know in my mind that sounds great since I don't have a boy but, I love what we have as a family right now. See this is what I'm struggling with. I know in my heart that I would love a third but, is it fair? My wife and my little girls are my world and I don't want to lose that. I just don't know if I can give another baby as much love as I do my girls now. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think I can be a good enough dad to three.

Oppy Doopy Baylor went Poopy

Yes I think the title says it all. My littlest one after getting out of the bath pooped all over the hallway floor. While I was in the girls bedroom getting our oldest daughter ready for bed, all I could hear was my wife in the hallway yelling NO!NO!NO!. When I looked up sure enough there it was. The most disgusting fowl smelling turd I have ever seen in my life. To any parent it is a normal thing to see in your life time but for me, that was the first. My wife laughing uncontrollably, takes our little one into their room while I got stuck cleaning up the sewer snake. After cleaning up the log, my oldest says to me "Daddy that smells really bad." all I could respond with was a chuckle and "Yes, Yes it is." So to any parent to be or any parent that has little one's Good luck it's horrible and funny at the same time. Opps just threw up a little in my mouth saying that.